I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
