I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
