Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize