Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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