You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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