she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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