Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
