Got a toothbrush?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
