Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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