We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
