My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
