If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
