if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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