Apparently you make a good broom.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize