If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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