he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
