I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
