the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
