she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
