Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
