We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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