Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize