white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
