He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
