You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
