Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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