NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
