i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my being single is dangerous.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize