I love black thongs
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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