Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
