so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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