i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
