Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
