the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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