Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
