Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
