This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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