Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize