You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize