Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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