I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
