How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
