totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
