So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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