She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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