everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
