I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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