I should be sponsored by Trojan
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm just crazy horny about you
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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