I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
