After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
