im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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