Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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