I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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