then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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