that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
