Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize