ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
