I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
