Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
