My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize