"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
