mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize