Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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